Due to my strong desire to blog rather than to write letters to all three credit bureaus stating why they should erase negative items off the reports of my clients’ records, I decided to procrastinate.

For the past month or so, I’ve been going through some really rough times in a spiritual sense. My prayer life was failing and one by one things were beginning to really fall apart. I think for the most part, I was ignoring the fact that my relationship with God was one big mess and denied that anything was wrong with me. The darkest and most painful part of the battle started two weeks ago. This was when I was hit the hardest and denial was just not an option anymore. I was becoming dark and moody and my actions over the past two weeks were the “ugly outcomes” of the flesh that I was giving in to.

Yesterday, before praise started, praise team had their regular prayer meeting in the corner of the stage. Nothing was special. It was just like any other Sunday but my stomach began to churn and before I could stop it, the faucet to my eyes turned on or something. All those weeks of keeping everything in, hiding things from people, saying I didn’t need anyone’s prayer, comfort or help just seemed to kick me in the ass right then and there. Something burst and I just couldn’t stop begging for forgiveness and crying out in desperation for change, for peace, for Him. Even after the prayer ended I just couldn’t stop. I think at that moment what I really wanted was a hug from someone but I just didn’t ask. During worship while I was playing, the words seemed to jump out at me. It’s true what PJ says- the Holy Spirit takes the truth and makes it blaze. I couldn’t even sing because of the constant flow of tears.
The truth, at that moment, became so real. I understood that all along He was trying to reach me, shouting and proclaiming His love for me, asking me to come back to Him while I was ignoring Him and wallowing in my own little cave that I had built for myself. The feeling of being freed from my sin was overwhelming. I wanted to tell everyone, jump up and shout but haha, I just restrained myself.  This renewal and revival is something that I’ve wanted for so long. Yesterday was the first in many weeks that I felt much joy and much happiness.

Forgive me. My pride and ignorance seems to have stunted my ability to trust anyone on the team. I have a strong desire to establish relationships with the team members (besides the fact that I seem to be the most awkward and non-social person ever). Given my past history, sharing this stuff is difficult for me but I hope this is a step in some sort of direction.

Anyway! I hope all of you (well, the few of you who actually read this blog) have a wonderful rest of the week. See some of you at the Creole lesson tonight. Ou bel. (HAHA it is sad that this is the only word that I remember from the lesson. This probably has to do with the fact that Chaka and Jerry kept repeating it to each other throughout that whole first lesson -_-)

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Matthew 28:18-20

“For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!”

1 Corinthians 9:16

“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming frmo us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”

2 Corinthians 3:5-6

“For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

2 Corinthians 4:5-6

With this we go…

I chose that banner above bc it looks like something we saw in Haiti last year…their hills truly sing…what a captivating creation it is of God. As you guys will see, Haiti is quite beautiful. 🙂

Share away your thoughts, fears, anxiety, joy, blessings of your walk as we continue to look upon the Gospel that saved us. As we try to see Jesus in our everyday lives or even struggle to see, let us share together our lessons and trials, as they all in the end draw us closer to Him and bring more glory to Him.